it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
