I skipped work to stalk him.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
