Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
