oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
