i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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