i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
