I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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