"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
