i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
