I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
