so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
