There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
