This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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