I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
