i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
