i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
