2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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