Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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