its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
