You're earring is so big in my mouth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
