god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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