so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
