you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
