Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
