dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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