im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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