Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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