Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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