You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
