is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
