so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
