sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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