I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
