I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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