when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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