the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
