wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
