Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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