I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
