All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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