You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
