she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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