Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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