What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
