Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
