1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
