I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
