I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
