apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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