I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
