Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
