She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
