Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
