you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
