There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
