Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
