the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
