Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
