She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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